I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In America we eat man semen.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
