My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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