he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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