I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
