hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
