I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
