what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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