she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
