i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
