Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
