why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
