She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
