so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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