just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
