I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize