Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
