you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
