I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
