i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
