not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
