He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
