if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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