Pappa wants mamma naked
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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