so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
