so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
