You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
