Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
