you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
