I cannot find my penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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