I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He better not be in your backpack
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
