Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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