Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize