We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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