before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
