You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
