how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
