Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
