I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
