Your dad touched me again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
