My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
