Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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