You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
