Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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