I've blown a few things in my day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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