Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
