He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
