DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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