There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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