i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
