eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
