The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
