Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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