i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
