you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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