SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
