just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Too much gin, very little bucket
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
