I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
