I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's great music for shaving your balls
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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