If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
