i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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