I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
