I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
FUCK WHALES
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
