She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
