I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
