she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
