Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
