dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
