best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
