The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize