Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
